I came out as trans to my housemates and family. Here's how it went...
👍 The Good
My housemates are a Filipino couple living with me in Australia. When one of my housemates was preparing food in the kitchen, I approached him and told him that I'm planning a gender transition. At first he was a bit confused, and asked “what’s that?”, probably because his English is still not perfect. I made a botched attempt at explaining hormones and said “male to female, transgender”, then he got it. He gave a me two thumbs up and a warm smile. He said that in the Philippines, it’s quite normal, and he has friends that are transgender or same sex couples. He said that he'd let his wife know, and reassured me that she would also be fine with it. I asked if he could call me by my preferred name, and let him know that I'd like to wear more feminine clothes like makeup or a skirt. Then at the end of our conversation he used the name I'd asked for. For the next few days I wore a skirt everyday (even though it was much too cold), loving my new-found freedom.
👎 The Bad
While it isn't a topic I'd ever discussed with my parents before, I knew that they weren't likely to be supportive. I asked my mum to come over for a walk and talk. Not long after we started walking, she asked what I wanted to tell her. I explained that I was planning a gender transition. Strangely, she showed little reaction. So I continued to proceed with explaining hormones.
She said that God made male and female and that I would always be her son. She mentioned that she had noticed some indications prior to me leaving home in terms of my choice of colours and shoes, but had not really expected it. She asked if I thought transitioning would make me happier. I explained that I knew it wouldn’t fix everything, but thought it would at least allow me to be more myself. She said that being female also had problems, like not being able to go out at night as easily because it makes you more of a ‘target’.
She wanted me to talk to my dad before I started hormones. She gave him a call to come over, and when he arrived, the three of us drove to the park and sat on a bench together. He said he had not expected it and wanted to know why I wanted to transition. I did my best to explain, but he was unconvinced. He said that it was ‘wrong’ to transition to a female and that I would just be a bloke pretending to act like a girl. He said that I had gone too far and that I would eventually be able to see that it was a bad idea. Nevertheless, he said that he would continue to love me unconditionally, no matter what I do.
We drove back in the car to my house. I left my parents with a pink envelope containing a letter to my siblings explaining that I was planning to start hormones, and a request to use my preferred name and pronouns (they/their). It's been two months since, and my parents still call me by my deadname.
🔫 The Ugly
That night I received an email from my brother telling me that he wanted to meet. I was exhausted after the experience with my parents, but agreed to meet him a few days later for a walk. The first thing he asked me was “why?” I attempted to explain, but my brother said my assumptions about gender were strange and differed to his; he felt females are generally more into beauty, etc. and that my interests are not not particularly feminine.
He said that transitioning was 'evil' as it contradicts God’s word, is as bad as being a murderer, and that LGBT people are all in the same category. He said he had been losing sleep over it and that transitioning it is hurting my family by taking away his brother and making them worry about me.
I told him that it was my decision to make, but he equated it to the need to stop a murderer or rapist. He demanded to know who he could tell. I agreed that he could tell my cousin, but I told him that I’d prefer not to tell others yet. He agreed that maybe it was best not to share it too broadly yet, saying that my uncle would cry if he ever found out.
I mentioned that a side effect of hormones is that it can lead to infertility. My brother said this is a good thing because it means I won’t have kids. His view is that people like me shouldn't be allowed to raise children and pass on these ideas.
I banked a semen sample the following day, then started taking hormones the day after that. I haven't come out at work yet, as I feel a bit of self-doubt after the experience with my family, and don't feel a strong need to tell work until I'm a bit further into my transition.